Enoughness Redefined: Believing You Are Enough…For YOUJan 02, 2020
The Cafe's holiday card...Don't Stop Believin'
How the life scramble of fixing, protecting and making things better for others revealed that there wasn’t enough to go around…and that’s OK
Are you enough?
I actually left 2019 behind with the realization that I am not enough…for anyone other than myself. Phew. What a relief to lay that burden down. Let me explain.
Parenting is a great arena for this to flare up. We assume the role of protector, fixer, make-it-all-better-er…and yet, that isn’t really possible. When our child hurts, we hurt. It isn’t my instinct to sit by and witness my daughter’s pain; I want to jump to action, to create a magic bubble of wonder around her. And when I can’t — I feel as if I have failed in some way.
When she recently looked me in the eyes, I couldn’t control my emotions as tears streamed down and air choked up in my throat. Momma are you sad?
Our feelings aren’t logical or explainable. That’s not how they are wired. In fact, they are more like wild unicorns galloping about in stardust.
I share this because it was a beautiful moment of awareness for me. I was sad. The understanding that I couldn’t do what I thought was my job made me feel less than. But then my dear friend Luis set me free with his words, “You aren’t enough. You shouldn’t be enough for her. That would be unfair.” Deep exhale.
Suddenly, I got it.
Love is not about dependence, it is about nurturing, support and seeing…not fixing.
And the same goes with love relationships and friendships by the way. It’s a dance of interconnectedness and interdependence. But it must also be one of independence. It isn’t about blocking the life path of another’s journey. It is about holding them through it.
Sometimes (well, most of the times) the subtlest of shifts and realizations in our life can result in tremendous impact. There is no greater gift than sitting with someone in pain, holding their hand as they navigate it. There is great wisdom in being present, listening deeply, holding back judgment, not imposing our own fears and expectations upon the situation — and just being. This is actually healing for everyone.
I have a tendency to sweep up the pain of others — as if by holding it tightly I can make it go away. Best of intentions aside, this doesn’t really serve anyone, least of all me. My burdens get too heavy to carry and they remain unattended, an act of futility. Problems still remain and now I join the party by feeling badly that I couldn’t make them disappear. But they weren’t mine to fix or hold or change.
This was a biggie for me and perhaps you too. At the end of the day, we aren’t meant to fix anything; people, problems or ourselves. We are meant to evolve and feel through it.
And you know what? You are enough to navigate your journey. You are enough to show up for yourself and to lend your compassion to the world.
Let’s not spread ourselves unnecessarily thin chasing things that aren’t ours to chase. Let’s love each other through this thing called life.
Now THAT’S a new year’s resolution worthy of YOU (and me and all of us!).
Don’t put yourself through the ringer with resolutions that set you up to fail. You know…the diets, gym memberships, broken promises we all make, etc. Start with some self-love and some self-care. Nurture that and allow the rest to unfold.
I’m so grateful to the teenager who taught me this.
Be open to catch your life lessons…they are dancing about you right now, there for the taking. Look up. 2020. And let’s get clear about one thing…you are more than enough for you.
~ Lea Haas, Owner, The Garden Cafe Woodstock