Growing PainsMay 12, 2021
Photograph by Jametlene Reskp
Mother Earth always reminds us of what we are capable of as we navigate our life seasons (even raising teenagers)
All things seem possible in May don’t they? As we finally emerge from the April showers, we really begin to witness Mother Earth’s awakening around us. Pop, pop, pop. Every day, new sensations…new flowers, more leaves on trees. Vibrant colors, birds, smiles.
I like to imagine the same within me.
It’s been a long winter, a season of isolation and uncertainty — continuous change and renegotiation. Nature reminds us to hold onto hope…that we can ride out change. That we will still emerge standing.
Nature must not have been raising a teenager! Ha. Kidding, not kidding.
I’ve been going through some growing pains of my own as a parent lately. Doesn’t it seem like we’re always going through growing pains of one kind or another — in our relationships, in our businesses, with our people and ourselves?
Even though I actually am a winter person who embraces all of her gifts, I was grateful for the warmth of a recent day to “ground” on the back lawn at a friend’s house. Just like two kids on beach towels, we lay there side by side tapping into some Earth energy and breathing. We kicked off our shoes and lay there warming our bare feet and spirits in cool air and warm sunshine.
It was late afternoon and it felt like medicine. So much so, that we started to chase the sun as she dipped behind trees. “Oh wait, look over there, a patch of sun.” We’d quickly move our towels in an attempt to soak up her last bits.
I felt weepy. I’ve been emotional lately, and feeling a bit lost. Bottom line: my kid is growing up and I need to let go (and grow up too). As I shared my feelings with my friend about how True wants her own space and how I was feeling hurt — she simply smiled at me as she reminded me that this is what every parent on the planet eventually goes through, at least the healthy ones. Her smile, the one of someone who has been there done that — reassured me that I wasn’t failing as a parent.
Why do we do that to ourselves?
This parenting thing sure didn’t come with a manual prepping one for this stage. And if there was one, it would probably tell me that my kid is right on target and that everything she is going through is a part of her personal growth and separation.
Separation…a word no parent wants to hear!
But I share this because after feeling sorry for myself and sitting with all of those feelings, I realized I was going about this all wrong.
I started worrying, which is a low vibration that doesn’t change anything. It anchors us to the past and blocks us from seeing what is ahead. It also zaps joy.
I was walking around feeling a low-grade undercurrent of sadness that was keeping me stuck in something I couldn’t change because I was only seeing it one way. When we get triggered by life, or our kids or any number of things — it is rarely about the other person and more about us. It is pointing us in a new direction because we are ready to see something and take another step.
We think as parents that growing pains are all about our kids…when the truth is that we are always growing, each of us, like May’s flowers tenuously popping up and trying to trust the elements.
The best advice my friend gave me was to give True what she was requesting…some space. And then she told me to give myself the same.
The bottom line is that we all need room to grow…especially us grown-ups.
However you are feeling pulled or strained…or weighed down…try giving yourself the same — because at the end of the day, we are all little plants trying to make our way through this human experience. But we are more resilient than we remember.
You bless me each day with your love, near and far — popping by the café or simply sharing a collective mission to show up each day for our planet, our furry and feathered friends, and each other. And for this I am so grateful. I’m sending you BIG love from Woodstock…from my plate, my house and my heart to yours. Happy Spring. Happy Mother’s Day. Happy grounding dear ones.
Yes, May sure does remind us that anything is possible…
—Lea Haas, Owner, The Garden Café Woodstock
By Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
But seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
As living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
And He bends you with His might
That His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
So He loves also the bow that is stable.