Life in Contrasts...Love or Fear?

Change of season is a great time for a change of mind and perspective. For me it’s reconciling the dueling emotions of love and fear.

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“Don’t move the way fear makes you move. Move the way love makes you move.”

~Rumi

Recently while sitting with a guest at the café, she expressed curiosity about winter here in upstate New York. While most people lament the season (it does go on for quite a while), I told her how I’m an ‘all-season’ gal — and that I truly appreciate the wonders of living in the Catskill Mountains. Of course, I don’t overlook the blessings of having a warm home and even warmer community to wrap myself up within.

But admittedly, while I loved this winter and all its dreamy snow falling outside my cottage windows — the business, however, did not (and that’s an understatement).

Town was quiet. Days felt darker. Stores and restaurants felt emptier. My mind started stirring from its restful hibernation as worrisome thoughts creeped in.

I have a lot of staff counting on me.

I have many mouths to feed.

This is my livelihood.

Will we make it till spring?

You get the picture...this is the voice of fear stirring the pot and trying to get me all twisted up.

But this isn’t the first time I’ve stared fear in the face. I’ve also invited it to come sit with me so we could unpack reality from fiction, and I could see it was time to call a meeting.

I quickly began to recognize that I’ve been in a state of constant regulation trying to ground my nervous system and it’s exhausting. I’ve been here before. I’ve been through difficult challenges in my life. I know how to get through stressful times.

It starts with acknowledging the truth instead of muscling our way through it. I tend to smile and will discomfort away...until I can’t any longer.

When I am reminded of this my body relaxes. It remembers. I tell myself we will be OK. I release constriction in my muscles. I remind myself that I can’t control the weather, or snow days and ice storms. Mother Nature calls the shots here — we simply get to respond.

There were many days this past winter where we unexpectedly closed the café to keep staff and customers alike safe and sound at home and off the treacherous roads. And yes, the bills still needed to be paid, but guess what? The next day when we reopened, the tables would fill, the sound of guests laughing and conversing over yummy meals filled our walls. My heart smiled.

If you build it, they will come. If you believe, it will be so.

My grateful, kind community of guests would shower me with compliments. They shared stories of how far they traveled to come, how much they loved the food, how much the café means to them, how they have healed, changed their relationship to food, felt nourished. And my regulars, oh my regulars...you are a part of the foundation of it all.

All of these encounters melted my troubles like lemon drops and love would take over.

Like Rumi said, love would come accompanied by hope and lift me out of the darkness of fear that whispered worst-case scenarios in my head.

The reality is that we are human, walking through this thing called life dancing between love and fear. Fear has its time and place. It can warn us and keep us safe. It can alert us to align with our intuitive selves. It can help us see what needs to be seen...provided we don’t allow it to take over.

When we invoke curiosity about fear we can ask it what it’s trying to show us.

Are you guiding me?

Is there something I need to see?

Is there a different path?

When fear creeps in, I try not to deny it (hey, no one likes fear). I take stock and inventory. I am open to receive its gifts and messages. I look around the café. I breathe it all in and I am immediately flooded with all that is ‘right’ — my staffing, the quality of our food and all the love that goes into it all.

Hey, almost 11 years ago (yes, our café birthday is coming up again in May), I built this business on a wing and a prayer...literally.

Speaking of which...

Just this past Sunday, the priest looked to the congregation and asked us why we come to church. He was genuinely asking and even called my name out putting me on the spot. There were many sentiments shared that morning, but the most resounding one of all was LIFE.

Many feel renewed, restored, reinvigorated by spending this time in community and connection each Sunday morning. We feel enlivened and alive. We feel a sense of hope, faith, a softening of our hearts...an exhale and inspiration. We feel God.

When fear saunters in I start thinking of everything outside of me — my future, retirement, old worries, old wounds and memories of struggle. But when I can ground myself and allow love in, she grabs ahold of fear and wraps her arms around her and says, “We are all good. We are safe. No need to worry. We got this.”

Love grounds me. Love realigns me. Love heals me. Love lets me show up in the ways that I most desire.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we should be FEAR-less. We are all of it. Love and fear demonstrate life in contrasts. Love brings us back to the present moment; fear keeps us entrenched in the past or in future-tripping.

The more I witnessed this in myself these past weeks and months, the more I realized how much it was in my control to shift...or not. It’s hard when you take the hand of fear and follow it. It confuses me, muddles my mind and allows me to forget who I am.

But love is a truthteller. When my head drops and shoulders hunch in fear, I lean on God. I lean on my heart. I lean on love...and I remember the truth.

And in this exhale of body, mind and spirit, I release my constriction. I don’t look for things to be afraid of — I look for things to love...and then I see it everywhere.

Where are you being called to love — to give and receive? To let go of ways that are holding you in places you no longer want to be? Beneath all of our big feelings are the contrasts of our collective humanity. Yes, we are all of it but we must actively participate in guiding it too. 

Let’s meet in this field of love and possibility and see what seeds we can plant together in this season of rebirth.

— Lea Haas, Owner, The Garden Cafe Woodstock