The Loudest Voice

Finding your voice in a noisy world — even at a time when you may feel voiceless

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“We realize the importance of our voice when we are silenced.”

~Malala Yousafzau

Do you hear yourself?

I’ve always prided myself on being a good listener. I absolutely love to sit with customers and hear about their lives, their adventures, their ups, downs and all arounds — to connect and make new friends. My curious mind fills with questions, inspiration and daydreams. 

But that is only half the equation. I’ve learned throughout the decades of my life that the most important voice to hear is that of myself. Bear with me.

It’s not about being the loudest or talking over anyone else or discarding anyone’s opinion. It’s about hearing your intuition, knowing and trusting yourself.

The world is noisy today. It’s as if collectively, we’ve somehow agreed to yell and protest and squash one another in the process. There is no more room to listen. Everything is black or white extremes, pick a side — there’s no gray area, nothing in between. No critical thinking. No voice of the heart. No both/and.

I miss the round table discussions. Hey, I’m a true New York City girl at heart. As a kid, I couldn’t walk by a city stoop without overhearing some heated debate in progress. Back then, we called that communication. I miss a little spice (aka passion) in heated conversations even when it felt provocative, annoying or left me rolling my eyes and maybe even a little offended.

You know why?

Because it didn’t end there. It stirred me, made me think and even challenge myself. There was room for the sharing of opinions maybe even learning something new. In today’s environment this has been replaced with screaming and conflict. Many have silenced themselves because it no longer feels safe.  

In this equation we all lose.

We lose true connection, the sharing of ideas and to me it feels like the dilution of truth and civility — providing distorted reality. It creates larger gaps between us. The voice of the heart runs for cover and hides.

I don’t know what the solution is, but I know it isn’t this.

When the world around us feels prickly, so do we. We shrink. We don’t share. We edit ourselves, we play small and we miss out on so much opportunity to connect in our collective humanity.

I don’t need to point out the obvious to you. You likely witness this all around you as well — maybe in your own family or community. But I refuse to give up on us — to allow this to become the new norm.

Bottom line: We get to decide how this plays out.

I think about this a lot because I love people. I love what’s possible and besides, this Queens girl doesn’t roll over easily!

Eleven years ago, I embarked upon this beautiful café journey and a big part of that was finding my own voice. Sometimes that voice feels small within the louder noise, but I always hear her whisper guiding me. More importantly, I’ve learned to trust and lean on her.

Growing up I had a terrible speech impediment, and I was regularly made fun of. That shut me up. That fear deafened me and became my coping mechanism. I often felt invisible and overlooked — which is probably why I developed my acute observation skills.

Interestingly, I’ve always been attracted to strong, vocal people. Those strong voices didn’t always see or hear me, honor my opinion and often interrupted me, discarded my opinion and spoke over me. So, I kept quiet.

But the loudest voice in the room isn’t necessarily the voice of truth or civility or compassion...it’s just the loudest voice.

So much of how we view the world and treat one another is a reflection of our own internal world and how we actually view ourselves.

What if we could embrace both aspects of ourselves — the listening and the vocalizing?

My journey has been one of reclaiming my voice. I still gravitate to opinionated people but opinionated people who have the self-awareness and confidence to hear another voice, even if it is contrary to theirs. I don’t seek an echo. I seek healthy discourse steeped in truth, knowledge, depth and mutual respect.

All that said, I realize that I silenced myself. That’s on me. That was my journey and my response to my life experiences.

I don’t ever want anyone to feel silenced, so I tend to my own inner dialog first. The loudest voice is that of self. That’s the most critical of all and the noisiest for sure. But we can make peace with that voice. We can turn it from foe to friend, turn from fear to faith and allow it to guide us.

So yes, I’m doing a lot of talking to myself these days, but it helps me show up grounded, compassionate, discerning and ready to meet the conversations of the day.

Is there something you need to say or explore or release?

Turn inward dear ones. Sit in stillness and listen. What do you hear?

And remember, our voice is a gift of divinity from God. Use it to serve your highest good and it will serve others. Let’s make that the loudest voice of our collective humanity.

— Lea Haas, Owner, The Garden Cafe Woodstock